If you have been reading my blog(s) for a while now, you know I always aim to be honest. Even if that means not appealing to all the different groups out there. Well, today is another one of those posts.
More often then not as I scroll through social media, I see the mom shaming and the mom bashing. I see the hashtags, the photos of your little one, the photos of you being perfect. I see the Facebook groups you are a part of, the posts that you share and the comments you make. I see it all.
Now let me just say this, although I have used my blog to express a lot of truth about my rocky journey into motherhood, I also hold a lot back. Why? Because I feel shame. I feel shame because of those moms.
The ones with their very, very clear expressions about how their child should sleep – co-sleeping, bed sharing, anti-cry-it-out. The ones faithful to the boob – the exclusively breastfeeding, the “I don’t care when my child weans”, the “baby led weaning”. The ones who don’t need a wink of sleep but complain about their exhaustion. The ones who are against store bought purees, against non-organic options. #ebf #breastfeeding #anticio #babyledweaning #noformulahere #nastypurees #illsleepwhenimdead
I could go on and on. Let me say this – I HEAR YOU. WE hear you! WE – the ones who don’t meet your expectations as a mother yet we don’t have expectations for you. The ones who had a very painful, rough start to motherhood, who didn’t feel adequate from just hours after our baby’s birth. The ones who hated pumping at work and looked forward to the day that their baby was weaned. We are the ones who had to use formula and breastmilk because breastfeeding wasn’t working out as society had made it to be. We are the ones who don’t have time for, or maybe just aren’t interested in making homemade baby food. We buy Gerber’s purees and on a good day, I buy the organic kind. We are the ones who can’t always afford organic so we settle for the generic version. The ones who go through CIO here and there, maybe consistently, maybe not, because sleep helps us be better mothers. We. Hear. You.
In fact, on Thursday Lincoln had a donut for lunch. A donut. And Monday at baby story time at the library, he threw his first actual meltdown. He screamed and cried the entire time. I knew he was tired because he missed his morning nap but we were there at the library so we were going to make it through that session. And when I got home, I gave him a nice warm bottle of FORMULA and laid him in his crib. In his crib, he cried for a bit and I WALKED AWAY. I had to. I needed a break. He had been on a crazy episode for well over an hour. I have a right to walk away. And ten minutes later, I went back in and rocked him and he fell right asleep. Guess what? When he woke up, he was happy to see me. And my pediatrician reassured me that his brain isn’t in stress or feeling neglected because he has to cry by himself sometimes. He told me this because I told him about all the crazy articles you share. I’m not neglecting my child.
So please, stop with the hashtags, the article sharing and the hurtful comments that indicate you are a much better mother than the rest of us. Because at the end of it all, one day your child will be eating leftover French fries off the floor of the car, or licking mud, or eating Domino’s pizza from a friends house. And our kids will be in the same classes and they won’t be discussing the time their mom let them cry at 10 months old or how their mom is better because she never, ever let their mouth touch a puree pouch. No. They’ll be talking about the latest TV show, movie, sports, toy, or maybe classroom drama.
In the end, after these couple of baby years are over, none of this stuff really matters. We are all equal. And all I have ever cared about all along, from day one, is that my baby (and yours) is happy, well fed and has parents that love him dearly.